Body Commentary
Where’d you pick it up?
A crucial piece of the Intuitive Eating journey is self-reflection — seeking to understand why your relationship with food & body became complicated to begin with.
What mindsets or behaviors have you picked up from your family of origin?…friends?…teachers?…pop culture?
When I think back on my younger years, I can easily recall specific moments when diet culture impacted both my view of others and self.
Here’s a handful of examples, for starters:
“So-and-so really filled out! She used to be so petite when she was younger.”
— Overhearing an adult conversation after a social gathering. This particular experience made me more prone to body-checking in social settings. It also played into my own insecurities about how others view me, especially if I hadn’t seen them in a while.
“Would you look at this *pinches mid-section*... I have got to lose this belly fat by summer!!!”
— Watching an adult female look dissatisfied at herself in the mirror. This prompted me to direct my attention to the very same “problem areas” on my own body.
“I HAVE TO get this fat off my stomach before I go on tour… I do 1000 sit ups every day!”
— Watching popular teen sensation on MTV’s Diary of a Pop Star. At age 12, this scene was a catalyst for me becoming preoccupied about the layer of fat on my own stomach also being “unacceptable.”
“You have such a great body! What do you do to stay so fit?”
— Middle schooler, eating half portions, cutting entire food groups, working out 2 hrs a days, 6 days a week to lose weight. This positive affirmation perpetuated the idea that skinny = better, no matter what it takes.
“I’m so FAT. Nothing fits! Ugh, I HATE my body…Can I just stay home?!” 😫
— Teenager, getting ready for an event, having a melt down while trying to find something to wear. Also - day 1 of cycle. No concept of showing myself grace or being gentle with my words.
Some lessons are taught, others are caught.
No one had to sit me down as a child and teach me to be critical of my own body. The behavior was simply on display. Whether personal - in family or social settings or more cultural - from movies, magazines (pre-social media), and T.V., I frequently witnessed harsh body critique of self and others.
Seeing other women, specifically, engage in this type of behavior, naturally made me comfortable with comparison as well as the negative self-talk that goes along with it.
Can you relate? 🤔
It hurts, even when you think it’s helpful!
Body commentary itself is the act of making remarks about one’s own body to self and/or others. It also includes any comments, criticism, and/or compliments that are given about someone else’s body. The intention may be positive OR negative BUT no matter what’s intended, it’s ultimately never helpful.
Yep, that’s right, even when you think it’s a compliment to tell someone that they look like they’ve lost weight OR when you say something about one’s appearance because you’re “concerned for their health.”
Here are 3 reasons to refrain from ANY and ALL body commentary:
You don’t know what someone else is going through — mentally or physically. You don’t have the context for why their body has undergone the physical change you see. A shift in weight (whether up or down) could be related to a sensitive medical issue or diagnosis, harmful behavior, a recovery journey, and/or emotional distress. Your comment might be the last thing they need at this time.
Sometimes a compliment about someone’s body is accepted and feels good in the moment. BUT at a later time, it comes back to haunt them negatively. For instance, when one’s body undergoes change and no longer appears as it once did when it was praised… It is then that old comments create a standard for what is considered “good” and acceptable. This can make any sort of body change (which is inevitable throughout life) all the more difficult to deal with and accept without comparing to that old (praised) shape or size.
Consider this — Commenting on one’s body is like choosing the least interesting thing about someone else to highlight. Not that the human body isn’t interesting; in fact, it’s fascinating in function! But, since we are already fighting against a very real societal pressure to prioritize appearance over actual well-being, why perpetuate this cultural downfall? Perhaps a compliment about one’s personality or character would be of greater worth and substance.
This list could go on and on…I digress.
Body appreciation helps promote healthy habits!
If you find yourself stuck in a pattern of negative self talk towards your own body OR criticism of the bodies around you, you’re not alone.
Here are a few tips to break the cycle:
Make an effort to practice body appreciation daily. Consider function over form. What has your body accomplished for you lately?
Practice sharing more non-appearance related compliments. This might be a challenge at first but work at it! This can cultivate more meaningful relationships and connection. Instead of, “Girl, you look so skinny!” Try, “It’s so good to see you. I always feel encouraged after spending time with you.”
Don’t deprive your body, no matter how it looks. It does so much for you! Consider it a friend, a sacred vessel, your home! Watch how you speak about it and think of ways to implement self-care practices for your body’s benefit (i.e. proper nourishment, adequate hydration, plenty of movement, rest, sleep, hygiene, etc.)
Are you ready to do the work to break the cycle?
Just because you grew up in destructive diet culture, doesn’t mean the next generation has to experience the same.
If this topic hit home for you and you want to break the cycle of body commentary, insecurities, and detrimental diet behavior — check out ‘Able Together,’ the12-week group program! This healing process takes time and intentionality. Together, we deep dive into ALL 10 principles of Intuitive Eating (Including Respect Your Body & Body Appreciation) to discover greater peace with food & body.
Click below to schedule a FREE 30-minute chat to learn more.
I hope to meet you and connect with you soon!
Grace Lopez, RD, LD/N, CLC, CPT
Registered Dietitian Nutritionist